Separation Anxiety: A Parent's Guide to Settling Into School

In the first weeks of school, crying at the classroom door and clinging to a parent is very common separation anxiety. It reflects healthy attachment — not "playing up". Understanding and a little preparation help children make the transition.

What separation anxiety is

Separation anxiety is the distress a young child feels when parting from a main caregiver — common at the start of school, a school change, or any shift in environment. Crying, clinginess and refusing to enter the classroom are typical, and usually ease as the child adjusts.

Preparing before school

• Visit in advance to get to know the environment and reduce unfamiliarity.
• Use picture books and role-play to tell stories about going to school (see Reading together).
• Establish a steady routine early, aligned with school hours.
• Pack a comfort object (a small handkerchief, say), if the school allows.

Drop-off strategies

• A short, confident goodbye. A fixed "bye-bye ritual" (a hug, "see you after school") beats lingering.
• Say clearly when you'll be back — and arrive on time to build trust.
• Stay calm and positive. The more anxious the parent, the more unsettled the child.
• Don't sneak away. Disappearing suddenly can make it harder for a child to feel safe.

What not to do

• Scolding or teasing a child for tears.
• Repeatedly drawing out the goodbye.
• Taking frequent days off out of sympathy, which tends to prolong the adjustment.

When to pay closer attention

If the anxiety persists for months, clearly disrupts daily life, or comes with ongoing physical complaints (tummy aches, nightmares), talk to the teacher and consult a doctor or professional if needed.

Good to know

Settling in takes time, and every child moves at their own pace. A steady routine, positive encouragement and a little patience are the most effective remedy.